how can you forgive?

Discussion in 'Writing for Blogs' started by reizel27, Oct 29, 2017.

  1. Twinklebisnar

    Twinklebisnar Member

    Forgiving is not easy. You should accept what has done and the damage it cause to you. You can forgive but you can't forget. Everytime you encounter something that alike to your past it will bring up the wound again. You can forgive by accepting what happens and learn from that mistake.
     
    1 person likes this.
  2. tinatinay

    tinatinay Member

    Forgiveness takes time. It takes a lot of process. Forgiveness does not work overtime. especially when the damage have been done too much. All I can say about this is to ask for guidance, PRAY! PRAY! and PRAY!. Pray that God will take away your pride, hatred and other negative spirits that consume you then forgiveness will follow. I don't want to elaborate it too much on this. For me, forgiveness is a gift that we should not kept away from others because everyone deserves to be forgiven. I know its hard but just put in mind that "the hardest thing are the right thing".
     
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  3. BigEyes

    BigEyes Member

    To forgive someone takes time.It will take so much time .And it takes courage to forgive.But to forgive someone will set you free.Free from pain and stress.I don't hold grudges.My motto is it happens for a reason .Better that way so its easier for me to accept and forgive.
     
  4. marcbarredo13

    marcbarredo13 Member

    It is hard to forgive someone especially when they really hurt you in ways that you don't expect. It takes a lot of time and courage to forgive someone. My advice is to let go of negativities in your life because we do not have control of anyone's thoughts or actions on us but we can control how we can react to certain experiences. I know it is hard to forgive someone but that is the only way to get rid of the hatred and grudges that you feel but if you forgive, do not forget what that person or people did to you. Learn from it and grow from it, do not let any circumstances or challenges stops you for being the man that you are. I hope this benefits you. :)
     
  5. Georgeliner

    Georgeliner Member

    I forgive everyone who hurts me and i let it go.
     
  6. GigsNext

    GigsNext New Member

    If you are always finding faults with someone, there will be no one to help you at the time of your crisis, even though they have done something bad to you.

    We too sometimes do mistakes out of ignorance or impatience.

    So we must forgive and forget the mistakes done by others,as the God forgives us, for our mistakes.
     
  7. aycee21

    aycee21 New Member

    1. Rebuild your trust. Take things slow with the person and work on repairing your relationship. ...
    2. Accept it if you can't forget the pain. ...
    3. Focus your energy somewhere else. ...
    4. Take time to reflect. ...
    5. Know that only positive revenge is worth it. ...
    6. Move forward instead of looking back.
     
  8. Georgeliner

    Georgeliner Member

    I personally forgive people who wrong me and I forget.
     
  9. Chfuen99

    Chfuen99 New Member

    There are lots of things in this world that are easier said than done. One of which would be the act of forgiving. Personally, I believe that if a person can easily say "Oh, I forgive you", she may not be totally hurt at all. I am not saying that it is impossible to forgive, it is just that, forgiving is somehow a process. There is the first step of accepting that things doesn't come your way and somehow left you wounded. Secondly, learning why things doesn't come your way. Thirdly,moving forward. You may not be able to forget what has been done, but in time, you will come out a better person out of it. Therefore, forgiveness is a POSSIBLE act but can be given in a varying time.
     
  10. doudou

    doudou New Member

    Forgiving is a hard work. It is difficult to worth it.
    I always forgive. Because I myself can hurt someone and ask him to forgive me. Bu twhen I forgive anyone hurts me, I feel myself in a strong position.
    “Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong,” Mahatma Gandhi wrote
     
  11. joanarc321

    joanarc321 Member

    Forgiving is very difficult based on my experience especially if the person who made wrong to you is a close relative or a friend of yours. But as what God said, we must forgive people who have done mistakes on us. It may be difficult but time heals the pain. You just have to accept that they are only human and people always do mistakes. Just pray to God that you will be guided and the hatred you felt on the person will soon fade away so that you can forgive.
     
  12. iansilvino18

    iansilvino18 Member

    If you decide you are willing to forgive, find a good place and time to be alone with your thoughts. Then, try following these four steps to forgive even when it feels impossible: Think about the incident that angered you. Accept that it happened.
     
  13. Warren1967

    Warren1967 Well-Known Member

    It depends on the person who asks for forgiveness. If that person is sincere in his or her apology and this can seen in how that person would ask for forgiveness. Also there has to be proof that this person has changed for the better. Some people tend to abuse when we forgive them so be very careful.
     
  14. hlabajosa1966

    hlabajosa1966 Member

    Forgiveness's the hardest thing to do, it involves emotion, pain, thought and time. We should let go of the cause of pain and hurt before we can forgive someone, think the peace of our heart & mind and lastly think if our GOD forgives why we can't.
     
  15. Wins

    Wins New Member

    It is really hard to forgive someone who hurts you so much. There is a lot of hard situation that it is really impossible to just forgive the person instantly. It always take time to forgive someone. The thing is there's nothing you can do about the situation. It really hurts and the pain will always hunting you. But just let the time pass by, it will eventually heal the wound and you will notice it eventually that the person who hurt you is not really that important anymore and you will decide to forgive the person or just forget about it. For me, i will just forget about it, there's no reason to forgive that person because if you forgive that person, what's next? It's just nothing. The person will just feel great that he/she have been forgiven. The pain will heal by the time but the scars will always remain.
     
  16. John213

    John213 New Member

    Forgiving , just a simple word but so hard to do. It is not an easy thing to give to someone especially when they hurt you in a sense that it is so hard to give their forgiveness but we need to know that we can never truly forget all of the damage they have given us, we should look at it as a lesson that we can learn from. Yes forgiving may be hard at first but you need to accept . Acceptance will help you relaize.many things alongside with time thus in the end it will help you to forgive a person and I will tell you that it is so much better , it is like the thorn placed in your heart is now gone and you can be free of all the worries and making you stronger in the end.
     
  17. bach26

    bach26 New Member

    If you decide you are willing to forgive, find a good place and time to be alone with your thoughts. Then, try following these four steps to forgive even when it feels impossible: Think about the incident that angered you. Accept that it happened.
    1. Uncover.
    Be honest with yourself about your anger and hurt, and assess the full damage the injustice has caused in your life. If a parent made you feel inadequate growing up, does your self-esteem still suffer? Do you look for love and validation in unhealthy ways?
    2. Decide.
    You must make the conscious decision to forgive your injurers, as Enright calls them, and give up any vengeful behaviors on your part. If a co-worker once stole an idea, say, and you’ve been denying him or her credit on other projects ever since, it’s time to change your tactic. The negativity and anger you cling to won’t do you any good in the long run, Enright says.
    3. Work.
    It takes effort to understand and
    empathize with someone who has hurt you. Enright suggests asking yourself a few questions: What was life like for this person while growing up? What psychological wounds might he or she be nursing? What extra pressures or stresses was the person experiencing at the time he or she offended you? Then think of a small gift you could offer this person. It might be a smile, a handshake, a returned phone call or simply more tolerance the next time you are with him or her. Keep in mind, though, that forgiveness and reconciliation are not the same. If you were or are in an abusive relationship of any kind, your forgiveness can and should come from afar.
    4. Discover.
    Find meaning and purpose in what you have been through, Enright encourages. How can you help others who might be hurting? If you’ve been a victim of racial bias, for example, you might decide to become more active in civil rights causes. In the emotional relief of letting go, Enright says, you might discover the paradox of forgiveness: “As we give to others the gifts of mercy, generosity and moral love, we ourselves are healed.
     
  18. Doraymon17

    Doraymon17 New Member

    Forgiveness is something very hard to do especially if it is someone very close to you, you will feel rage or be angry about what they have done, and then you will think very hard on what you did wrong for the to betray or hurt you. I think time heals everything, eventually you can learn to forgive the person for what they did and you yourself will learn a very valuable lesson from the experience.
     
  19. marcbarredo13

    marcbarredo13 Member

    Forgiveness is hard to do especially if it really wounded your heart or break a part of your life or the person is not worthy of your forgiveness. I know it is hard to forgive but I have to tell you that you should really need to forgive someone who wronged not only because you love the person who wronged you but to let go all the judgements and grievances in order for you to heal. Forgiveness will also lighten your burden that their transgression left upon you and you could promote inner peace within yourself. Do this not because you want to forget what they did to you but do this because you truly love yourself and you want to let go of your resentments that is haunting your life.
     
  20. ILUKENA

    ILUKENA New Member

    TO ERR IS HUMAN,TO FORGIVE IS UTTERLY DIVINE
     
  21. Farahely23

    Farahely23 New Member

    This is such a long answer …

    You don't have to forgive anyone , don't listen to the rhetoric about needing to amend things either family members. Amending relationships with people who have abused you is the worst thing you can do for yourself.

    Forgiveness I think is one of those words that is really contorted and misunderstood. People think that it means letting go of the past and amending relationships with the people that hurt you in the past; and all that is true.

    But for me , forgiveness means something different .

    Depending on how badly you were hurt and the support you had around you, because sometimes people get violently violated - like a rape victim … I've seen shows and they have this woman who was brutally raped and almost murdered and permanently scarred for the rest of her life and she is like

    “ I forgive him and don't want him to get the death penalty.”

    At first it's amazing , you know , how well she sounds … But looking further into it, her family had money. She had the resources to get therapy and surgeries and her family totally supported her. Swept her up and took her in. All her needs were met because her family took care of her while she was recovering … she didn't have to see the person again. And that's wonderful. I'm glad. But the reality is not everyone has that. Many more people don't have money. Money for therapy, for surgeries, to take you into their house and take care of all your needs and not have to worry about work, and bills. Some people on top of that, don't have the family support. And some people have to see the person that hurt them, all the time. Which is excruciatingly hard on the person who was hurt. Mentally.

    When this other woman gets brutally raped and almost killed and permanently scarred for life. She gets evicted. She gets fired for missing work. Her family tells her she shouldn't have gone out drinking that night and should have been home with her kids.

    Is that woman going to be able to forgive ?

    To recover? She has to go to work on Monday morning. She doesn't have time to recover . She doesn't have medical insurance and two kids under the age of 6.

    That's the harsh reality for many people , replace rape and almost killed for any kind of wound… We don't have time to relax, to heal, to recover or sort ourselves out. America is the only country in the world that is considered a industrial country , first world , one of the western countries that are wealthy and modern, and we are the only one that doesn't offer free health care … that doesn't give its employees at least a month every year paid vacation. That doesn't give any time off for having a baby, or divorce. Or emotional problems. In Germany it's a law that any employee can ask their boss to go to a spa for a week, or a month, for emotional and mental stress, and they get paid to go there ! That's just one country, but compared to America we have shit for laws for employees Because the wealthy own this country and our politicians they always have. So all of our laws are about benefitting the wealthy.. The employers , and the companies .

    So back to your answer. No. I don't think you have to forgive. In the traditional sense .

    If you've been really hurt , you need to listen to yourself first. You have to do what ever you have to do to live through it. That's different for everyone .

    I think most of us have to forgive ourselves , because we might not know it. But it's human instinct to blame and try to cope with pain. Most of us subconsciously blame ourselves for putting ourselves in a position to be hurt ..

    And to a point that is good. We need to be accountable , we need to be responsible , we need to evolve and know what we need to change. But what's most important is being able to forgive ourselves and not take it personally , being hurt. Ultimately everyone is responsible for their actions - if they are not a victim themselevs.

    Forgiveness is about release. You have to let go of the event . You have to let go of the memory of that person. You have to let go of the consequences of that event. For example someone lies to you, and you don't trust anyone - as long as you are reacting to a toxic event, you are holding on to it. It's owning you.

    Forgiveness means saying and believing this

    I release you , my memory, that event, this person who harmed me. I release you to the world.

    It's realizing that you're never going to be not broken by that event. It's never going to make sense or feel good. That time, that part of you will always be in pain. And there isn't anything that can change that. It's accepting that. It's fully accepting what happened . And allowing it to be there , a part of your life.

    Most people that have been deeply wounded should not amend relationships with the people that hurt them. Period. Some exceptions to this rule? People that were alcoholics or drug addicts can get sober and I believe being under the Influence of drugs and alcohol can change a person into someone that they normally are not. So if they get sober ? There is a chance to amend it.

    Most people instinctively try to repair things with the person who hurt them. I think we do this bevahse we believe that only the person who hurt us can make it better , but the irony is, it is actually more harmful for us to do that, because we are choosing this person who hurts us, over ourselves .. And no one can love us better. No one can. Humans are not capable of giving or receiving that kind of love. We are too fucked up.

    The best thing you can do when you've been hurt is to cut off all communication with the person that hurt you. I'm not talking about normal bouts of arguments and debate , or normal sorts of problems that people have. I mean wounds , when people dishonor you.

    Cut off communication with that person and don't attempt any reconciliation . If the person wants to say sorry, fine. Let them. But that is it.

    That single action, just cutting the person out of your life will heal you the most. And enable you to release it.

    Forgiveness is a tough thing … Everyone will have a different answer to this.

    My mom hurt me really badly. I cut her out of my life and when I had my daughter she wrote a letter to me begging me to see her … And I decided ok. I could trust her around children that wasn't the issue… My relationship with my mother has drastically improved , and we say we love each other too.

    But that pain, the hurt , it hasn't gone anywhere . It's still just as raw … I just know and have accepted that she won't ever understand or admit what happened . I won't get the validation from her. I have seething resentments from the past , but sometimes there just isn't any simple thing to do to get rid of them. There isn't a way for the person to be capable of admitting it.

    I will never forget .. And I haven't forgiven for that thing that she did. How could I? But I released that part of me, I accepted it . It's just a part of me now. I think I just realized there is nothing to do about it. For the sake of my children I have tbe relationship with her .. And of course I love my mom. How can you not? I suppose I just realized that to love my mother means loving her on her terms and mine won't ever matter to her. Ever. Thags not who she is or ever had been. And as long as she isn't hurting me now , I'm ok with that.

    I realized too, that my hurt , my opinion on things it doesn't matter to the world… I'm just simply not that important . People get hurt all the time . I'm no different . Realizing how little I mattered to the world was one of the best things that happened to me. Because the more important I am, the more offended I get .

    Sure there are people in my life, one in particular that I will never forgive nor have any kind of relatkonships with…. But I also realized that after so much time / it isn't the pain that he caused that is driving my anger. It's my ego. That need to be validated and seen and heard and I really would love it if he was down on his knees and told the world what he did to me. Why? Does that make what happened to me different ? Does it make it go away? No it doesn't. It does avenge me though. And that's just ego driven bullshit . Yes. He did terrible things to me. Things that earned him 11 years in prison . But what hurts the most is the denial and lies he told about me and about what he did to me. We were both there and we both know what happened … But for some reason I need him to explain my experience … Sounds insane right ?

    It is. Seeking that validation and credit . Seeking anything from him except lies and pain is insane .

    The only real residual pain I have is regret … And that validation thing. And that's all ego based.

    The best thing for any victim to do, is realize how not important they are . Because the Victim can get so wrapped up in their pain. That they are walking and talking dead .. Everhthjng is about their pain. They see it everywhere , they feel it everywhere . Their relationships with people and places and things are compromised , they can break free. They live in their own box, in their comfortable rut , where everyone owes them a check. They get entitled to special treatment because they've been hurt .. And they really expect the world to pick up the bill.

    That's just being hurt over and over again by that same mother fucker over and over again.
     
  22. First0perfection

    First0perfection New Member

    Forgiveness regards such a quality of one's character that is easy to say but difficult to do. To forgive someone depends on how you relate to him. For example, if our child or intimates make any mistake or behave rudely with you, we don't take it seriously and forgive him. Again, if one is not your
    near and dear ones, you can not accept the same thing & show your angarness. It varies man to man because different people have different feelings and it also varies relation to relation.
     
  23. Sonya L Walls

    Sonya L Walls Member

    If you are constantly thinking about the reason you were angry, you are not making it easier to forgive. Sometimes, you will have to forgive your mom or your dad for saying things that seem to stay with you. On the other hand, it's a process that is filled with emotions. You may find yourself crying about the only solution that you knew was right. You have been supportive. You have loved. You have stayed loyal. But, you still felt like you were not respected. It's up to you to find the reasoning behind what you need to forgive or you need to forgive. In some aspects, if you choose to forgive, you may start by looking at examples on YouTube that display forgiveness. If you are battling with self-healing, you have to start forgiving yourself first. If other people are expecting you to fail, you still start with forgiving you.

    In detail, if people expect you to fail, there may be something that they are jealous of. If you have received an increase in your yearly salary, you should forgive yourself for paying attention to what they said in the first place. While you are advancing, there will always be someone jealous. There will always be someone who thinks you want attention. They may even use the terms "you think that you are the greatest person, don't you?" That simply means, you walk away and forgive yourself for even listening and allowing it to change your emotions. Once you shake off the pressures of others, you will learn how to forgive. I am a black belt fighter. I have the highest belt there is. I know that. But, there are some people that are jealous of that. It's not because of their not being able to obtain a belt. It's because they are too lazy to take the steps to achieve it. If you work hard, you should be around people who will enjoy your company. That's truly "my cup of tea." If you know you deserve the best, you should forgive yourself for being around others who don't feel the same way about you.
     
  24. JesReen

    JesReen Member

    All i know is, if God can forgive us why can’t we forgive others? God is perfect and our sole creator, so if he can forgive our sins why can’t a person like us who are imperfect and a sinner can’t forgive others. Thus, sometimes even if we think a person is unforgivable and we think that he/she is really a bad person and he/she doesn’t deserve it, we still need to reease forgiveness and hope that he/she correct his/her wrong and hope that he/she will change for good. Yes it’s really hard to reease forgiveness if they hurt is or our loved ones so we need to ask God to give us a forgiving heart for us to be able to release forgiveness. We can and we must because it’s the right thing to do
     
  25. RICHDADDY

    RICHDADDY Member

    Forgiving is not easy. Often people say "Forgive and forget." The forgiving part of that statement is the important part. Forgetting should and cannot occur. It is important to remember to insure that the wrong is not repeated. But you do not remember for revenge. I personally do believe that the world is a just world, but that you must remember that you are not the administer of justice. Whether you believe in God or Karma or something else doesn't matter. Those that engage in hurtful things, reap what they sowed.
    A statement I have heard is , "When you forgive, you free one person. The person you free is yourself." That is true. Without forgiveness you give the wrongdoer a piece of your heart and mind until you forgive. If you are that hurt it is not smart to give your emotions to the wrongdoer forever. You take them back by forgiving.
    I wish you peace.
     
  26. Ipostthings

    Ipostthings New Member

    Forgiveness is something I like to think of more as a gift. There is a great power that we hold when it comes to how we react or respond to something that has happened to us. I faced the challenge of finding it difficult to forgive immediately at one point in my life. I tossed around thoughts of revenge and anger, only to find that I had given all my power away to something or someone who could care less what "I" was thinking and feeling. I can't live a healthy life in that matter, so I forgave them. I thought of that person as a "human", rather than a monster, so I could be able to accept the fact that this happened and move on. In my personal opinion, there's no winning or power to be had when we focus on hate. However, there is a possibility that we could put into motion the process of love when we forgive someone for wronging us. If there is even a glimmer of hope that someone may be able to find peace in themselves or even change their ways, because I chose to forgive them, then I choose love. I can only find peace in my soul when I don't hold someone hostage in my head.
     
  27. ClaireG

    ClaireG Member

    Forgiving the people that hurts you is not easy specially if that person means a lot to you but for me forgiving them is not for their own sake but for you. You have to forgive them to be free and to be happy. Holding grudges over someone will not make any good to you since thinking about them only makes you feel sick. It's better to move on, accept things and moving forward for yourself. I know it sounds like difficult to make but you have to. This is just an opinion of mine because for me forgiving means giving yourself a break from people who hurt you whom you'd think you can lean on.
     
  28. vebselpo

    vebselpo Member

    Know that nobody's perfect that everyone can do wrong but can change. God is forgiving everyone should learn how to forgive one another.
     

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